To Regret or Not To Regret: THAT is The Question.

Would you undo your regrets if you had the chance?

It is a question that has provoked my thought. If I had a time machine, would I change the past and undo my regrets?

Need For Regret

At first I thought, ‘YES! Of course I would’ve. But then… a simple yet profound thought dawned on me: My regrets had made me who I am today. All those failures, embarassments opened up opportunities for learning that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. Failures helped me grow in ways success never could. And as Steve Jobs would say, “It was awful-tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it.”

In other words, all our failures, embarrassments and losses may not have given us what we wanted, but they sure gave us what we needed.

Learn to fail, or fail to learn.

No successful person has ever gotten to the top of their game without regrets. It’s all part of the game—some days you win, and some days you lose. That uncertainty is what makes life exciting. I mean, wouldn’t life be so boring if we won all the time?

But we’ve been trained to believe that losing at something is the greatest mistake we’ll ever make; that it’ll be our biggest regret. We’ve been conditioned to believe that loss is something we should avoid, that mistakes will only result in regret. But that’s half the truth, at best. In reality, the greatest mistake we can make in life, is living in fear of making one.

As Paul Coelho taught us “The ship is safest when it is in port; but that is not what ships were made for.” We may avoid risks out of fear of loss, but nothing in life is guaranteed—and yet, all we can do is simply live it. Because, the beauty of life lies in how none of it is etched in stone; most of it is on sand. This is where the magic happens.

Post-Regret Growth’s in Order

Albert Einstein had a wonderful saying:

“The person who hasn’t made a mistake, hasn’t tried anything new.”

Regret isn’t just about winning. It’s about new experiences and growth. If you haven't failed often enough, you're not growing. We grow by breaking stone, that's how we uncover new ground. If you're not uncomfortable, you're not pushing yourself hard enough. Success requires growth; and growth is inherently uncomfortable because it feels unfamiliar. It pushes our boundaries and transports us to unknown experiences. But that’s how we grow—not by staying put, but by trying again and again and again. After all, calm seas do not make skilled sailors.

Growing from regret isn’t about avoiding it—it’s about reframing it. The way we interpret reality determines how we experience reality. If a failure to achieve a goal is seen as an embarrassment, or is taken as a sign of a personal lacking, then it will be a cause for regret. However, if we see the mistake we made as an opportunity to learn, we can begin to show kindness and forgiveness toward ourselves.

It may be helpful if we see mistakes as “missed takes”, as in the making of a film. When a movie crew films a scene, they often do several versions or “takes.” They might change the shot distance, move the camera around closer, have the actors half-sitting instead of standing, have them modulate their voice and so on. It’s not because any one take is right or wrong, but because the director and crew want to expand their options and ensure they aren’t missing out on any potentially excellent but unimagined ways of rendering the scene. Their goal is to seek out variety—various film takes that might be more unique, creative, and original.

Life isn’t really that serious. Make mistakes, have a laugh at it, and move on to the next thing. Like a Hollywood scene take, you can have a “mis-take” but you can always re-take the scene again. The goal isn’t to never make mistakes, the goal is to refine and improve the outcome—even if we don’t get it right the first time.

At the end of the day, regrets are the fuel for growth. Without our regrets—without our mistakes—we wouldn’t have learned anything or grown into the amazing people we are today. For life without regrets is but an empty field. But it is what we make of our regrets that makes life fulfilling.

In truth, we're all secretly glad we failed – even as we pretend that we're not.