The Ultimate Breakdown On Why We Should Never Hurt People And Always Believe In Others

   Throughout my journey, I learned that when dealing with people whom are doing bad things in the world, hurting them only serves to reify and reinforce their evilized belief system. It entrenches them even further in their own ways.

The people who hurt others, are themselves hurting, and making others feel the same way allows them to relieve and alleviate, even if spuriously, their inner pain and to vent their frustration that had been generated by that pain that’s hurting them.

So, when we hurt them, it only adds to and aggravates the pain that they’re experiencing and that they’re desperately scrambling to find ways to entertain or distract themselves by hurting others, and to help themselves forget the pain they’re experiencing or to at least take their mind off of it tentatively.

Let us remember to never lecture anyone on how to tie their laces when we have never been in their shoes. The source of all conflict, cynicism, hatred, enmity and antagonism lies deep down in one’s own lack of inner intrapersonal peace, therefore one cannot be at peace with others until one is at peace with oneself.

Hurting others is a strong sign that betrays the fact that a person is hurting, and is how inner pain manifests itself on the outer world. Everyone has their flaws, all people are fallible. Everyone has their weaknesses.

But instead of shaming, blaming, degrading (especially contemptuously), mocking or judging them, we should instead show empathy and understanding, and help them overcome their weaknesses and rectify their flaws. When a person hurts others, it is a vivid and revealing sign that drops their mask and all veneers, and uncovers the deeply felt insecurities lingering within. Those are crucially paramount points to keep in mind when we find ourselves about to judge someone.

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It also pays to remember that what we judge or envy or suspect in someone else can guide us to the darkness we have within ourselves. What we project onto others can lead us to the darkness we bear within. A friend of mine once shared with me the quote "Know thyself and you'll understand any reflection". I'd humbly invite you to contemplate this quote ..

Showing understanding towards people, allows us to connect with, and subsequently, help change and improve them. Everyone has goodness inside of them. Everyone, even the most seemingly staunch fanatics and flagitious demagogues, are capable of doing good. They have it innately inside of them. Everyone has two wolves inside of them, and the one who wins is the one we feed. No one is born evil or with spiteful or vicious intents inscribed onto the figurative fabric of their soul or consciousness. But when that goodness (goodwill, benevolence, altruism etc..) is buried, their evil side becomes dominant.

Our response-ability is thus, to free them of this pernicious intrapersonal and internal enemy inside of them; to help these people whom are hurting, by helping them (or giving them tactful guidance to) dredge up their good side that has been buried deep inside the very tapestry of their existence, and bring that good side to the surface and to the light.

I believe that is what Galileo Galilei meant when he wisely remarked “We cannot teach people anything, we can only help them discover it within themselves” We’d rather choose to see the goodness in others, rather than the bad in them. When we believe in others, it is a magical spell cast that enchants others and attracts everyone to our periphery. It emanates an ethereal and palpable aura that enraptures everyone who comes in close proximity to us. It is, perhaps, at the pinnacle of enlightened wisdom and inner peace.

I am full aware that I cannot rescue anyone, I cannot heal them, I cannot save them, and I certainly cannot make choices for them. I cannot fix them, I cannot change them, I cannot teach them anything, but can only help them discover it within themselves. I can guide them as to where to look, but cannot tell them what to see. And whatever they’re feeling, I cannot feel it for them, I can only feel it with them. I can only be in it with them. I can promise they won’t journey alone. I can lend them my map, but the trip, is theirs to make.

These tactics and wise techniques of navigating seemingly evil or ‘bad’ people, might offer a pathway to discovering the one truth that we’ve been lied to due to societal norms, yet numerous studies have debunked: That all humans are wired to do good and be good! That we’re wired for generosity and kindness. And NOT for hurting others.

May we be wise enough to learn from the ancient wisdom of those who came before us, and apply it to not defeat but win our adversaries by converting them to our side. After all, the goal isn’t to subdue the enemy by eliminating them, but by converting them so they’re a weakness turned into strength; a foe turned into friend; an enemy turned into a pally ally.

As the wise old saying goes “The best way to defeat your enemy is to make them your friend.”

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Let us not judge anyone unless we’ve been in their shoes. Let us not judge anybody unless we know (almost) absolutely everything about them. Let us not judge people for the choices they make when we don’t know the options they had to choose from. Let us not judge people if we had never met them. We can’t know anyone’s actual intentions if we’ve never known them. Nothing is truly is as it seems on the surface.

There’s always so much more going on behind the scenes and behind closed doors. There’s always a hidden story, in the background, beyond the veil, veneered behind the scenes; a story that we may never know, but one that if we knew, our view on the matter concerned would transform utterly.

Because that story nurtures and hides within it the full picture that we are lacking, instead of our facile and superficial, yet very taunting, view of the tip of the iceberg we’re exposed to; not the drop in the bucket we actually see, inasmuch as our view becomes highly incomplete.

I learned that nothing is truly as it initially seems. There is always much more complexity, much more texture, nuance, subtly and depth to each person than we realise.

A wise person shall always keep in mind that the one who knows only one side of the story, knows nothing of that. It’s easy to get lost in all the overwhelming bombardment of the media and society, it’s easy for one to get confused and befuddled by the dizzying pace of change and all the fake people, scandals, scoundrels, imposters, pranksters of the world, and as a result become mistrustful and cynical of people, which might culminate in misanthropy. And I do feel sympathies for such people, as well as understand why they may think that way.

But one may ask: How can we judge someone we’ve never met, let alone, knew? How can we judge people based on our outlook on life or our world view?

There’s a saying “Those who judge, will never understand. And those who understand, will never judge.”

I once read:

"99% of people who judge you have no idea what's going on in your life. They don't know you, they only know a small % of you. Even the 10 people closest to you don't know everything about you. They don't know everything that's going on in your mind or heart. They don't know what's going on behind closed doors. So please, when someone spits hate or criticism, remember: They honestly don't know you and it's oftentimes a much bigger reflection on them than you."

The truth is, we tend to think we know what other people are going through, but the truth is; we have no idea!

So when we find ourselves judging anyone, shall we remember that we don’t really know what they’re going though, since, when we forget that, we then tend to lose sight and our vision becomes murky and blurred, and we become less able to see things clearly.

Our biases and mental slants; our prejudice and perceptions; our thoughts and convictions; our feelings and emotions; our fears and anger; our envy and hatred; our bigotry and parochialism; our resentment and antagonism; all become jumbled up and mixed into one giant cauldron that blots out and clogs our vision and we become unable to see things clearly, and so we have to dig through all those layers, clear up and weed out all those feelings, prejudices, and notions, so that we are again able to see things and people with an open mind, an open heart, and an open soul.

And remember, as Carl Jung once said: “Thinking is difficult, that’s why most people judge”

Or as Henry Ford frames it “Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few people engage in it”

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   I learned that through judging we separate, through understanding we grow. A wise person learns to see the world from a different point of view, from a different angle, from a different perspective, to break the boundaries and limitations of the current narrative and transcend beyond what we thought was impenetrable and immutable.

A wise person knows that judging is critical, but observing can be educational. Shaping our sentiment that is based on our very limited exposure and knowledge of the matter at hand, will render us very hasty, impetuous and rushing into conclusions and assumptions.

Because when we don’t know the full story, we tend to fill in those gaps in that incomplete story, with what we think makes sense to us based on our world view, outlook on life, biases and convictions.

So the end result becomes that our opinions and sentiment become sorely influenced by our world outlook, beliefs, biases, convictions, mindset, and most insidiously, our assumptions!

Let’s always keep in mind that one cannot assume and always be right.

I once stumbled upon a quote that read "Before you assume, learn the facts. Before you judge, understand why. Before you hurt someone, feel. Before you speak, think."

As Brian Herbert teaches us “The capacity to learn is a gift, the ability to learn is a skill, but the willingness to learn is a choice".

It is highly wise for us to never judge other people’s choices when we don’t know their reasons. Because, to truly understand another person, we need to swim in the same waters that drowned them. Shall we always keep in mind to never assume before learning the facts; to never judge without understanding why; to feel before we hurt; and to not speak unless we think beforehand. And to always make the conscious choice to see the good in people, and not the bad in them.

We never really know somebody unless we’ve walked around in their shoes. Or as Harper Lee describes it “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view. Until you climb inside his skin and walk around in it.”

And to close, I would like to recite a very wise quote from Bill Bullard who said “Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding. The highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another’s world.”

And let us remember that what we judge or envy or suspect in someone else, can guide us to the darkness we have within ourselves.

So let us get in the continual habit that before we assume, before we judge, before we rush into conclusions; let us learn the facts, ask questions, understand why, listen solicitously, empathize wholeheartedly, forgive candidly, live simply, speak kindly, love generously and care deeply, about others.. Because at the end of the day.. We need each other!

May you all be richly blessed!

Peace. ✌️