Being Human: Human Being. The Eternal Dance between the Form.. and the Formless

Yusuf Kemal
Jul 17
9 min read

We often get lost in our roles and identities, and we fail to see that there's another soul on the other side. It is said that one's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

Whomever it is you dislike, despise or deprecate for whatever reason, know this: They want the same things that you do. If you want a home, they do too. You want a family, so do they. You want salubrious sustenance, so do they. You desire having kids, so do they. You feel you need love, so do they. You require security and safety for your family, just like they do. You wish nourishment for your kids, and so do they. You have a yen for quality time with loved ones, similar to them. You want a job, so do they. You strive to be successful in your chosen career, well, so do they. You hope to be able to provide a high living standard for your family, so do they. You strive to lead a healthy, long life, just like they do. You envision a better cleaner and safer future for your kids, and so do they. You'd like to see your kids successful and grateful, so do they. You aim to learn or to have fun, so do they. You long for those quality time filled with mirthful and intrinsically healing genuine laughter, and so do they. You hope to be remembered benignly after your departure from this world, and so do they. You aim to have a fulfilling life for yourself, and so do they. You want to be happy, they want to be happy too. You want to live, they do too.

The point is, we're much more alike than we care to admit.

No one is useless. Everyone is a human. We're all souls. Human souls. Who have made mistakes, been through a lot, seen a lot, lost loved ones, endured pain and suffering.

When we act in ways that threaten the worth of the other person, or people, we naturally and inevitably evoke a deep propensity in them to adopt an automatic defensive posture. Their worth should not be threatened.

We like to also think we know what others are going through, but the truth is, we have no idea.

"If there is one thing that a person needs from another human being, it's to be appreciated, to be listened to, to be heard. Just as you are, not as l would make you."

Our humanity high on the heels of an ever-strengthening Artificial intelligence

Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. No one ever has to out up with being treated as anything less than a human being. Since the dawn of the age of humans, we've used and worked with our hands. After and ever since the industrial revolution, we've been utilizing our heads. Moving forwards, we'll have to learn to venture into the future with our hearts. That is why, in the emerging age of Artificial Intelligence, our last stronghold will be our hearts. As George Bernard Shaw put it:

"Now that we have learned to fly in the air like birds and dive in the sea like fish, only one thing remains - to learn to live on earth like humans."

Our ability to relate to one another and feel for each other will be the distinguishing characteristic factor that determines whether or not we'll have any stronghold left over A.I. in the future. In terms of pure, raw intellect, A.I. is already on the cusp of becoming more intelligent than us in general purview of things. One need not be a geek or an insider to savvy this. One needs not look very far either to notice this irrefragable reality.

However more intellectually superior A.I. is or will continue to increasingly be, one thing it cannot, at least not in our lifetimes, achieve is human-level emotions and emotional cues and responses, especially facial and vocal ones, to said cues. Thereby, our mission isn't to try to know, or to get lost in the knowledge, notions or assumptive information we may possess about the person next to us, but rather, it evidently seems, to simply open our hearts to the other person, with no preconceived ideas of who we think we are or who we think the other person is, especially who we think they are in relation to ourselves.

As Dalai Lama framed it, "If you want to be happy, practice compassion. If you want others to be happy, practice compassion." Thus, Our humanity is the truest, most valuable thing we have. And compassion is the soul of such humanity. It is what characterizes what and who we are. Therefore, if we relinquish our humanity, or let it languish in abeyance, never seeking to salvage it from debilitating neglect, then, we lose it. And at that point, nothing will ever matter. No matter what we achieve, no matter what we gain, nothing will ever add up. Everything will lose its meaning. This is not about activism, idealism, utopianism, or whatnot, it's about humanism.

The recently deceased South African Archbishop, Desmond Tutu, taught us

“In our fragile and crowded world we can survive only together. We can be truly free, ultimately, only together. We can be human only together.”

When we choose to be human above all, we gift ourselves the sacred opportunity to be to who we truly are: Human.

It's a choice.

The Potent Power of Choosing to Ask questions..

We seem to be in desperate need to renegotiate our relationship with argument. We fail to recognize the immense benefits that accompany being just simply curious for the sake of it. It is said that questions open doors for the answers. Indeed. It is not the answers that ultimately matter, rather, it seems, it's the questions. For a question is like a can opener, it allows us to see beyond the ideas and thoughts that populate our minds and offer us clarity and insights that help us learn and recognize the true nature whatever it is we're inquiring about. Stephen Hawking's advice to us reflects a compatible notion:

"So remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see and wonder what makes the universe exist. Be curious!"

We oftentimes fail to see the value in asking questions. Perhaps we think we know it all, or that there's nothing left to know, or mayhap that there's no need to know. We let our egos fill us to the brim with baseless hubris that ends up pitting us against ourselves. And when we finally ask questions, we often ask just to see if the other person is on the same page with us, to see if we're in approbation or discord. We seem to have this perverse propensity to ask questions just to say we agree or we disagree with whatever that person had just uttered. But we neglect to question the rationale behind it, and whether or not this is productive or salutary to us and conducive to our goals or not.

In simpler terms, we ask not to learn out of genuine and heartfelt curiosity, but rather to pass judgement and make a verdict about the other person.

Another important point is the quality of questioning. We often just ask whatever question our whim deems apropos, with no thought or regard to diligently and strategically crafting the question, be it in content, delivery or complexion, as to cultivate or elicit a certain sense of safety or comfort in the other person and negating any fear, nervousness or defensiveness that may arise from our posing the query in the first place. If only we asked well-thought-out questions that we would naturally feel compelled to be curious about the answers to, we'd actually listen. After all, that whom asks the questions cannot avoid the answers.

You'll never regret:

Asking questions to get more clarity.

You'll always regret:

Making a decision based on a story you've created in your head.

Understanding is the linchpin..

We oftentimes think we know what or how a person is. We may bask in the alluring temptation to reassure ourselves that we know it all. But knowing isn't the same thing as understanding.

One of my favourite mentors and guides Jay Shetty, once wisely remarked:

"Those who judge will never understand, and those who understand, will never judge."

And indeed so! I love this quote. There is perhaps no more emphatic statement than Jay's one.

When we don’t take the time and attention to listen to each other, we prevent ourselves from understanding each other. And we as humans fear what we do not understand. So not understanding each other, leads to fear. And fear leads to distrust. Distrust leads to anger. Anger leads to hatred. And hatred, leads to suffering.

Because if we really don't take the time to understand one another, we'll not be able to relate or empathize with each other's experiences nor honour each others' predicaments. Consequently it'll be much harder for us to feel for another, and we'll always be like objects to each other.

Understanding is a gift we give to ourselves that helps us see beyond the myopic vision of assumptions. Nothing is really as it initially seems to be. Our problem is that we often fall into the common mistake of not truly listening to what the other person has to say, and getting lost in our little selves, seeking to find ways to mount a cogent defensive response to what is being said, as if winning the argument or our opinions weren't fleeting and insignificant. Almost as if our worth depended on them.

Then there's the even more peculiar and intractable issue of when we do listen, but don't do so to understand, but rather to reply. However, when we choose to listen to understand a person, instead of listening to be able to reply to the person, we allow the conversation to become more empathetic and amiable. It is under such circumstances that we can allow ourselves to feel freer, and safe to be vulnerable.

It is here that the doors of our authentic selves can be opened, and the winds of lovingkindness can flow through them freely. When we allow the nature of what is being said to be absorbed, we can decide our response with a calm head and an open heart, unswept by the tempestuous waves of the ocean of reactivity we see around us. After all, it is up to the most conscious person in the room to break the chain of reactivity, as Ram Dass would advise us.

Let’s keep in mind: Fear Perpetuates our Separateness

Closing Thoughts...

We live in a world of guided missiles, but misguided men.

We live in deeply paradoxical times.

We have wider vistas, but narrower viewpoints.

We have longer roads, but myopic visions.

We have big mouths, but little ears.

We have taller structures, but shorter tempers.

We have higher formal degrees, but lower human sense.

We have more knowledge, but less judgment.

More experts, but less solutions.

We strive to the cleanse air, but not our souls.

We’ve split the atom, but not our prejudice.

We live in a world of higher wealth, but lower morals.

We have machines that can calculate massive numbers, but souls that are broken from tiny words.

We have normalised dehumanizing others.

We have desensitized our souls and made ourselves hard, and mean, and uncouth, and unkind.

We are drowning in information, while starving for wisdom.

We know too much, and feel too little.

We live in a world where funerals are more important than the deceased, marriage more than love, parties more than the celebrated, power more than purpose, money more than meaning, stories more than the heroes, success more than significance, fame more than fulfillment, glamour more than grace, wit more than wisdom, looks more than the soul, speeches more than the message, and words more than their meaning.

We are gradually drowning in a packaging culture that deplores content.

We drown in the turbulent waters of that which we think we can’t live without, only to lose sight of the truth we already bear within.

We continually and unwittingly mess up the good things we have, by looking for something better, only to tragically end up with something worse, and thus, ending up with less than what we started with.

And it behoves us to remind ourselves and each other, that there’s more to life than survival; Dignity, integrity, love, grace, peace, trust, truth, kindness, generosity, compassion, harmony, courage .. all of them, are of incomparably greater value.

And it’s high time we realised, we have to feel for one another if we are to survive with dignity.

As MLK wisely reminded us: “We can choose to live together as siblings, or perish together as fools.”

If we can't even be human, just human, above all else, then, we've got no business creating or trying to create change. For change starts with us. So let us always remind ourselves to be mindful of how we choose to show up in the world. And never ever take our humanity out of the equation, because then no matter what we achieve, nothing will ever add up.

As Carl Jung reminded us: