My Diary Entries

Dear Diary,

It's 00:00 June 1st 2023 as I am writing this, I am unsure where to start. I had always wanted to keep a diary, but kept procrastinating instead. This is the day and time I am finally pouring my unedited, uninhibited and unfiltered and original thoughts with no fear of judgement or shame.

I am Yusuf Kemal. I've been on a spiritual journey ever since I was a 12 year old, and I gotta say, it has been a wild ride.. It had its fallow lacunas for sure, but it was so enlightening, liberating and empowering beyond description.

I have recently been through my first panic attack. It almost killed me, or so I thought, and to be honest, still think. But its as what they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger..

I have recently started to truthfully live in what I used to call "the fundamental level", but now after some thought I decide to call "The Fundamental Realm". It's a whole new world replete with mystery and unknowns. Like an intrepid explorer, I am wading my way through its lush landscapes, and trying to learn more about this magical realm as much as possible.

I have come to be a precocious young sage. People now call me things like "The Young Dalai Lama", and "Jedi". I get flattered by these epithets but to be completely honest, I dislike how these sobriquets, no matter how true they might be, are starting to feed my ego; the ego that I've strove so hard to make sure it is suppressed so much that it doesn't exist. I have now come to realise some truths that I had for a long time known, but are now becoming much more clear to me.

Firstly, all of those words are just words by people whom are impressed by me. People's thoughts about me do not define me; be those thoughts positive or negative. And even though everyone is right, in their own perspective, only I can define who I am.

I have for a long time defined myself as a 'learner', and thus, a 'leader'. I intend to continue on this path until my dying days, until my last breath. But I am energy, so I have got nothing to lose, which is another thing that I believe is in my strength.

I have come to realise that in this elusive and enigmatic fundamental realm, only certain things are actually real. For instance, time functions at the quantum level, meaning that it's not linear, that past present and future all happen simultaneously. So, I cannot really suffer from the past or the future here, because they don't exist. All there is, is the here and now, which subsumes what is referred to as 'the past' and the 'the future.' Only the present counts, and what a beautiful gift that is.

I believe this has come to be my happy place. When I am here, I am isolated from anything and everything around me. Nothing ever can touch me here. Nothing can disturb my vibrational frequency. It is just like what a friend of mine said once about "striving to be in this world but not of it." .. I believe he was rephrasing Ram Dass' quote wherein he has said "Our journey is about being more deeply involved in life, and yet less attached to it."

I guess you could say I live in the singularity now, eh? We'll see.. time will tell.. but for now, I gotta go pray and go to bed.. It's getting very late here.. got a lot on my plate, not just for tomorrow, but for the foreseeable future .. so, I'll end my first diary entry here, and hope I make it to tomorrow, which for me, is already here. For I am energy.

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Dear Diary,

Sorry for missing the entry for yesterday, I was beleaguered and besieged by a slew of things truth to tell. Now I still have got a lot to do, can you imagine ? I got all this work that doesn't seem to end.. It's really taxing, but I learned how to not get overwhelmed by it .. bit by bit I learn more how to handle it..

Speaking of learning, I wish to share with you more about the fundamental realm .. It continue to surprise and fascinate me.. It is just majestically ethereal..

I learned that disappointments aren't real here, it seems that this is a direct consequence of another thing about this enchanting realm though; the fact that peace seems to be a defining characteristic quintessential to the fundamental realm. Peace is everything here.

I guess that when one is not just 'peaceful', but goes beyond that into being peace itself, manifesting itself in human form, one then becomes able to be free from having any expectations of anyone, and thus, no disappointments. As they say, expect nothing, anticipate everything. And I couldn't have put it more concisely. No expectations put, no disappointments lived. Easy and simple.

I am suspecting that because peace is such an elemental aspect of this realm, and the fact that, as I mentioned before, I am energy, we all are; the reality is that peace is our natural state, as energy.

We are indeed energy, and by default we are peace; not peaceful, but peace itself.

I'd also like to share one more thing before I depart and go to sleep cuz I'm so tired, it's an hour before midnight as I'm writing this.

There seems to be no destination here, and this is quite intriguing, and so much so, I am dubious if the journey even exists in this realm. If there is even a journey at all! Only one thing seems to matter here as far as I have discovered: The company.

I guess that's how the story of the master who got approached by a disciple and asked "Which is more important, the journey or the destination?", to which the master replied "The company", came to be.

I am now sure that the company is what matters, and that peace is a defining characteristic and feature of this realm, and that we are all just energy, all we have to do is realise it. Fascinating, right? Yeah I think so too!

I am still exploring this magical and profoundly intriguing realm, trying to unravel its mysteries, decipher its secret codes, and uncover all its best-kept secrets. Wish me luck, dear diary!

Yusuf signing out ..

11:06 PM · Jun 2, 2023

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Dear Diary,

I am now convinced I am not of this world, I merely live in it. I am a transitory guest, an itinerant traveller, an ephemeral visitor, here only for a short stay. When my time may come, I may return to whence I came; return home; for which I believe that to be, The Fundamental Realm.

I believe my purpose in life is to catalyze other's thoughts, help them find their power; the power that resides within themselves. Help heal others, for I cannot heal them myself, I can promise they won't journey alone, I can only lend them my map, but the journey is theirs to make.

As Ram Dass once said "We are all just walking each other home"

And I just wish to help everyone .. walk home.

A quote I once read by a guy named James Golden, was: "We are all on a spiritual journey; a journey home. Some people know about the journey. Some people do not. Regardless, we are all walking the same path and sharing this journey together. For some, this journey is a constant struggle filled with suffering, fear, judgment and hatred.

For others, it is understood to be a sacred opportunity to discover the truth

about God, our own true self and others. It is the path that leads to the embodiment of abiding love, sweet compassion and lasting peace; it is a journey home."

And I really think that is how I want to live my life. Saving humanity and preserving consciousness is my mission; helping others find their true potential is my purpose; but walking each other home, is how I intend to do it.

I'd like to share another quote by Ram Dass, dear Diary,

"Together we are all on a journey called life. We are all a little broken and a little shattered inside. Each one of us is aspiring to make it to the end.

None is deprived of pain here and we have all suffered in our own ways. I think our journey is all about healing ourselves and healing each other in our own special ways. Let's just help each other put all those pieces back together and make it to the end more beautifully. Let us help each other survive."

One of my best, most witty and beloved friends, had once wrote "Embrace the impermanence of everything! Be like a duck resting on the water in a storm. Waves roll under him, he is not disturbed. Rain rolls off his back, he is not moved by it. Strive to be in this world, but not of it - we are much, much more than just the atoms that make up our body. Keep in mind that this world will continue to turn long, long after we have all been recycled. Having normal human emotions, attachments, goals, desires and frailties does not preclude also feeling a strong, uplifting, dynamic and positive connection to the Spirit of the Universe."

And I just live like that I believe, this is how I function.

Thich Nhât Hanh, in his book "No Death, No Fear" wrote: "This body is not me; I am not caught in this body, I am life without boundaries, I have never been born and I have never died. Over there the wide ocean and the sky with many galaxies All manifests from the basis of consciousness.

Since beginningless time I have always been free. Birth and death are only a door through which we go in and out. Birth and death are only a game of hide-and-seek. So smile to me and take my hand and wave good-bye. Tomorrow shall meet again or even before. We shall always be meeting again at the true source, Always meeting again on the myriad paths of life."

And I certainly believe that is true for me.. I am not the body, I am not the story I am living, I am not even the soul per se... I am just energy, which I believe to be the soul; but it seems that the soul is just a form of energy, it is like energy with consciousness added to it.. This is one of the mysteries of the Fundamental Realm that I am still trying to diligently unravel.. and I ain't giving up..

I had stumbled upon this poem in an image, and I just wanted to copy and share it here with you dear Diary;

Poem of Life:

"Life is but a stopping place,

A pause in what's to be,

A resting place along the road,

To sweet eternity.

We all have different journeys,

Different paths along the way,

We all were meant to learn some things,

But never meant to stay.

Our destination is a place,

Far greater than we know.

For some the journey's quicker,

For some the journey's slow

And when the journey finally ends,

We'll claim a great reward,

And find an everlasting peace,

Together with the Lord."

But the challenge for me here is that few people ever get me. Few people have got the level of understanding and perception to see what I am able to see. Few people can feel this.

Keanu Reeves put it in one of the most eloquent and pithy ways I ever seen: "I always felt like I'm not from this generation, I just live in it. Because the way my mindset differs from the majority, you'd think I come from a different dimension. That's why I keep things to myself because a lot of people won't understand me."

This is how I feel dear Diary.. this is how I feel.. This is how I have come to be .. To be me..

Yours with care,

Yusuf

1:55 PM · Jun 4, 2023

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Dear Diary,

I know I had just visited you this afternoon, but I've got some truly life-changing revelations that I just had that I wanted to share with you..

There is a quote by Wayne Dyer wherein he said "When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change."

I had known about this quote for a very long time, but I never truly was able to integrate it into my spiritual awareness puzzle until now. When we truly change the way we look at the world, the world changes. That's exactly what I did, dear Diary.

I learnt to see the world differently. I now am convinced wholeheartedly that I am not from this world, I'm not an alien of course, but metaphorically speaking, I believe I am from another dimension; the dimension wherein all the world's greatest sages and wise men and woman over the millennia have operated from and came from: The Fundamental Realm.

I am indeed here for a short stay, I am indeed a transient traveler, a temporary wonderer, an ephemeral visitor, here only for a short stay, then, I will return home, from where I came. To go back to where I came from. I don't know when this will happen, but I know it will, cuz, well, no one lives forever in this human form, so..

And here's where that changed point of view comes into play..

Steve Jobs had once said "Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose." , and I also had known about this for a long time too, however, now all the puzzle pieces are starting to come into focus and make sense. I am in this world, but not of it. I had once read the saying "What are you afraid of losing when nothing in the world actually belongs to you." and now I realise and fully understand what it means.. I have indeed got nothing to lose .. This is not my world anyway...

A paragraph by one of my most treasured friends explains this perhaps even more clearly to you, dear Diary: "These things are true, they have face value, just like it's true what the Buddha said, which is that attachment is the root of all suffering. However I have more recently come to understand that it is not my resistance, judgments or my attachments that are the actual source of my suffering, it's my inability to let them go quickly and cleanly when the universe has moved on. Of course I have attachments, I am human. I love passionately and deeply - therefore I am vulnerable to deep sadness and sorrow when the things that I love turn out to be impermanent, which they always do. It is too hard to exist in this world devoid of judgments completely - I like some things and I dislike other things. You can call it preferences, but it really is also judgments. It is also hard to exist in this world without resisting change - our reptilian brains are hardwired for fear of the unknown - naturally I have some resistance to change. The perception of unpredictability in life is initially scary. So I allow myself attachments and judgments. I don't worry about whether I am resisting or not. I'm just not attached to my attachments! I am in the habit of letting go of my judgments quickly - I stop resisting change the instant it becomes uncomfortable to resist it. I don't care how the universe unfolds anymore! It can unfold any gosh darn way it wants to! I'm going to be fine no matter what, I'm going to be happy no matter what, I am going to find peace of mind and equanimity no matter freaking what!"

He had on another occasion wrote "Embrace the impermanence of everything! Be like a duck resting on the water in a storm. Waves roll under him, he is not disturbed. Rain rolls off his back, he is not moved by it. Strive to be in this world, but not of it - we are much, much more than just the atoms that make up our body. Keep in mind that this world will continue to turn long, long after we have all been recycled. Having normal human emotions, attachments, goals, desires and frailties does not preclude also feeling a strong, uplifting, dynamic and positive connection to the Spirit of the Universe. However big you imagine that the universe is, it is actually much bigger than that. However much you know that life exists in a gazillion places, it is actually even more widespread than that. My heart beats with the love energy that all life is infused with. Your heart beats with it too! It is a reflection of the vast, eternal life/love energy that permeates all reality, all time and all space. Permanent. Made up of countless impermanent lives! Carpe freaking diem, man. Seize the moment. Be the adventure of life, seeking its self in awareness."

This is now as clear as sky to me! I now understand what it all means, to be in this world but not of it. For this world doesn't belong to me, its not my world anyway.. I'm just here to serve a mission, a purpose, and then go home.. return back whence I came.. That is how I am now 100% confident I have got nothing to lose, not merely because I am energy, and energy cannot be lost, destroyed or damaged, but now also because I know this world isn't mine! I do not belong in it, in other words!

Now I learn to embrace the impermanence of everything, the imperfections in everyone, and the beauty in the beast.

Eckhart Tolle had once said "Nonresistance, nonjudgment, and nonattachment are the three aspects of true freedom and enlightened living."

I now learned to Live life fully, wholeheartedly, with no reservations or apprehension; To Live life fully, with a Capital L.

I once read somewhere a quote by Thich Nhat Hanh, who said "If while washing dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we are not “washing the dishes to wash the dishes.” What’s more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink. If we can’t wash the dishes, the chances are we won’t be able to drink our tea either. While drinking the cup of tea, we will only be thinking of other things, barely aware of the cup in our hands. Thus we are sucked away into the future—and we are incapable of actually living one minute of life."

And that's how I learn to now live my life, to live it fully, and enjoy the journey, for there is no destination in existence anyway.. To live life, with a Capital L.

Oscar Wilde had once said "To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist." and he couldn't have been more spot-on.

Now I understand this too!

Allow me to recite back a poem that I believe I had shared with you before..

"Poem of Life

Life is but a stopping place,

A pause in what's to be,

A resting place along the road,

To sweet eternity.

We all have different journeys,

Different paths along the way,

We all were meant to learn some things,

But never meant to stay.

Our destination is a place,

Far greater than we know.

For some the journey's quicker

For some the journey's slow.

And when the journey finally ends,

We'll claim a great reward,

And find an everlasting peace,

Together with the Lord."

This says it all, Dear Diary..

I wonder when I'll go back home.. can't wait!

Hopefully not too long from now.. hopefully soon enough ..

I just need to fulfill my purpose and accomplish my mission in this realm, then I'll be united with my true self, in the realm whence I came..

Thank you for your time and patience, dear Diary.. It's good to have you in my life here.. in this life ..

11:42 PM · Jun 4, 2023

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Dear Diary,

Here is also a poem I wrote this morning that I wish to share with you.. I hope you like it..

"To leave this world and operate

from the Fundamental Realm..

A realm where no destination seems to be,

probably no journey, too,

only the company matters,

Just me and you.

Where we are energy,

not the labels, bodies or names,

Not even the stories we’re living;

just energy,

dancing together in unison and synergy

And energy is. It just is, they say,

A Realm where there are no expectations,

for they don’t even exist.

And thus no disappointments,

So they can't begin to persist.

A Realm of peace,

where we are peace,

not peaceful, just peace.

Peace itself,

Peace manifesting itself in human form.

Where unconditional love and bliss,

and empathy of all sides

and a kind of invincible summer,

an invincible peace,

A shimmering glimmer,

An imperturbable bliss abides.

Where balance and harmony,

are always maintained and exist,

As quintessential characteristics,

of this enigmatic, yet fascinating Realm.

Where evil doesn’t really exist,

Where emotions still might be,

Where our might,

allows us to truly see,

the true us behind the veils,

and allow ourselves to just be.

Where beauty abounds,

and blessings upon us,

where we function,

at our vibrational frequencies.

And hand in hand,

We walk each other home;

A Realm where we help each other,

To heal, be loved, to exist,

A Realm where no judgement,

prejudice or hatred can resist,

The invincible peace,

that dominates over this realm.

A Realm where peace,

And harmony always persist,

The Fundamental Realm, my dear,

I wonder what are you, with no fear,

I really want to return to you,  so hold my beer.

When the time comes,

We’ll unite again,

In sweet Unison,

To ever after,

And peace is what we will be."

12:00 AM · Jun 5, 2023

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Dear Diary,

Throughout this journey, I have learned many things, not least of which is that I have got nothing to lose -for a few reasons, mainly due to this world not being mine, I don't belong to it and the fact that I am energy, and am here for only a short stay- and therefore there is no need for me to take life seriously at all..

I guess I know understand the saying by Ram Dass that "Our journey is about being more deeply involved in life and yet less attached to it.". It is now very clear to me that I shouldn't take life seriously, that it is indeed just a game of hide-and-seek and that I am never gonna make it out of it alive anyway, at least not 'alive' in this form, the human form. I'll just return to whence I came, and take my original form: Energy. That's the real me.

I have since realized that there are mainly and for the most part, 3 concepts or notions that if one ever gets to at least understand and fully live by them, they will allow themselves to be lead to other realizations and epiphanies about the reality of themselves and thus connect with their true selves.

They are respectively encapsulated in three quotations:

Firstly, Ram Dass' quote "We are all just walking each other home."

This quote brilliantly describes the crux of the matter, that we are here temporarily and are broken and shattered inside, and that we should help each other heal and, as he put it, "help each other survive" by putting back those broken pieces he referred to in another quote of his.

We should never hurt anyone, as we don't know what they're going through, so, how could we have the right to judge or hurt them, even if unintentionally?

We should just help each other put those pieces back and make it to the end more beautifully, as he eloquently taught us.

The second tenet here, is emotions.

Now I am still to fully figure out if emotions even exist in the Fundamental Realm, but whether or not they do -to be honest its unlikely that they do, but I'm still learning here and exploring this realm-, the fact of the matter is, dear Diary, is that emotions are unfathomably powerful and potent and thus represent such powerfully potent tools for one to use.

I heard before the saying "Control time, control everything.", now I sort of believe that to be true, but as an ageless, timeless being, i.e. energy, time for me doesn't really exist, it is all an illusion, all time points exist in the singularity, all at once in parallel to each other. But the point here is, that, this almost perfectly applies to emotions, at least when it comes to the world here, not the Fundamental Realm. Emotions are such powerful tools in a person's story here that they live with their soul as a person in this solar system, that truly if one is of a high emotional intelligence, they can achieve really almost anything, even if their IQ isn't up to par with what would be considered commensurately high to their EQ.

And Maya Angelou depicted this beautifully, she said "I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." and, that really says it all. It is not what one said or did (perhaps using their IQ) that matters ultimately, but rather how it was presented and that influences how it makes others feel. How do I make others feel when I am around them? Do I make them feel better? Do I make them feel safe? Do I make them feel valued, loved, appreciated, heard, seen and understood? Do I make them feel like they can be themselves with me and that they don't have to frame things in a certain way when talking to me? Do I make them feel like that they could just express and share with me their raw feelings and emotions, without fearing that I will judge them at all?

Those are the questions I am now starting to ask myself, dearest Diary.

Control emotions, (both yours and leverage others' emotions), Control Everything. That is my saying now.. lol..

Lastly, our perspective.

Wayne Dyer had once said "When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change"

And for many years now, I have cherished and known the value of this saying of his, because I appreciated how true it was. I still think it is genuinely one of the truest sayings ever..

For example when one encounters failure or rejection,

or when one makes mistakes, they could wallow in the hurt and continue to suffer, or they could focus on the lesson and continue to grow. They could choose to see rejection as a good thing that the person who rejected them didn't waste their time by accepting them into a place or job or a team where they may have wanted to leave in the future, or they could choose to view it in the light of it all being a sign that they aren't worthy or that they're 'losers' or something like that.. It's all in our heads, it seems.. Indeed, it's all in our heads, and, reality is what we make of it. That is how I learned to see the real me; the energy, which is what I am. It is who I am.

One may be given a cactus, but they don't have to sit on it. They may choose to do so, however, or, they could choose to carefully cut open the cactus and drink the tasty water stored inside. It is all in their choice, it's all in the perspective and what they make of their situation; do they make the best of it, or don't they? Thats what I think at least.. that we may complain that roses have thorns, or we may rejoice that thorns have roses. It is all in our heads. Dr. Evans Duah reflected on this in a quote I'd like to share with you, dear Diary, "Sometimes, it's not just the situation but your perspective of the situation that affects your attitude toward the situation. When your mind is weak, your situation appears as a problem.

When your mind is well balanced, your situation becomes a Challenge. When your mind is strong, your situation becomes an opportunity.

We can complain because roses have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses. It's all about the mind and perspective."

And I couldn't have said it any better really..

So with that being said, I truly believe that if one can control their emotions and leverage others'; Understand that we are here on a journey together (which will lead them to realise and appreciate lessons such as the fragility, brevity, ephemerality and sanctity of life; that everyone is right in their own perspective and that we shouldn't hurt anyone etc..) and are just walking each other home, to the Fundamental Realm whence we all came and thus this life is merely a game of hide-and-seek, two doors through which we pass; And also realise that their perspective shapes their world, that their eyes aren't just cameras through which they view the world but also projectors through which they juxtapose their reality onto the existing so-called 'reality' that they live in, and thus the power to choose to change or swap the lenses on that projector always lies inside of them; If one realizes all those three points, they shall be on track for massive and life-changing enlightenment, and the path of a true sage; the path to realising this one truth we've been hiding from as a society: That we are one, because we are all energy, belonging not here, but to the Fundamental Realm, whence we all came. To realise this, is a blessing, and the beginning of exalted and profound wisdom. It is what the world's greatest and most preeminent sages and masters had realized for many millennia, and what an honor and a true privilege for me to have realized all of this at this tender age of mine. I am indeed blessed.

Thank you dear Diary, for always being here for me.

4:45 AM · Jun 5, 2023

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Dear Diary,

Sorry its been a few days since I last wrote to you, but each time I would write to you, it would be too late and I'd need to get some sleep and delay writing to you until the next day.

Anyway, I've been learning more and more and advancing my position and understanding of the Fundamental Realm. I had just watched a video today on Nikola Tesla and the fact that he regarded the number 3, 6 and 9 to hold the key to the mysteries of the universe. I was pleasantly surprised and even shocked at how I already knew about a lot of things that we mentioned in that video.

Firstly, Nikola reportedly regarded the number "3" as being highly special, from a scientific and not religious point of view even. It represented, apparently, a trilogy of energy, vibration and frequency; those very unique and special linchpin cornerstones that Nikola believed held the key to the mysteries of the universe. Now, I already, as you know dear Diary, am aware that I am energy, and that I consequently have a vibrational frequency, so when I learnt that Nikola Tesla thought of a relationship or link between energy, vibration and frequency in a similar lens, I was pleasantly surprised and elated that I am now reassured I am indeed on the right track to exploring and learning more about the Fundamental Realm.

Albert Einstein seems to be in approbation and concurring of this. He once said "Everything is energy and that's all that exists in it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you can't help but receive that reality. It couldn't have it any other way. This is not a philosophy. This is physics”.

And other quotes from him also point to a similar mode of thought, such as when he said "One thing I have learned in a long life: that all our science, measured against reality, is primitive and childish. We still do not know one thousand percent of what nature has revealed to us. It is quite possible that behind the perception of our minds there are worlds that we are unaware of.”,

or when he said "When something vibrates, the entire electrons of the universe resonate with it. It's all connected. The greatest tragedy in human existence is the illusion of separateness" , and; "Regarding the matter, we have been completely wrong. What we have called matter is energy, whose vibration has been lowered so much that it is noticeable to the senses. Matter is spirit reduced to visibility. It doesn't matter."

All of these saying by Einstein and what I learned about Nikola Tesla evinced to me that I am indeed on the right track.

On another note from what I learned from that video is that the 'Law of Attraction', commonly also known as the 'Law of Resonance' and the concomitant affirmations associated with it, were already in my knowledge arsenal. As you know, I am a true believer in the power of thought, and that what we think, we create; what we believe, we attract. I had written a short piece on it that I'd like to share with you here, dear Diary: 'Let's keep up the positive energy! What we see is what we believe! Seeing is believing, they say, but I say, so is feeling! Feeling is believing, too! And we attract what we feel! If we feel positive, we'll attract positivity! If we focus on the goodness in people, then that's what we're gonna see. If we focus on the bad and evil in people, then that's what we're gonna see. If we focus on the pain, we'll continue to suffer; but if we focus on the lesson, we'll continue to grow. If we focus on the problems, we'll have more problems, if we focus on the solutions, we'll have more opportunities. When we focus on us, we grow; when we focus on sh*t, sh*t grows. Read that again.'

I was already aware of the fact that, due to us being energy (and my awareness of that, too), we have a vibrational frequency, and thus when we adjust our vibrational frequency to what we want, we cannot help but receive it. If I wish to convince of persuade someone of something, I have to first suspend my ego, go and live in their world, see everything through their lens and walk in their skin. In other words, I learned that when I match my vibrational frequency to the vibrational frequency of the other person that I might or might not be trying to persuade or convince of something, I can then not only see the world from their point of view, -which this made me realise that everyone is indeed right in their own perspective and thus there is no right or wrong answer, and that when we know how to listen, everybody becomes the guru.- but also, since I am operating or vibrating at the same frequency as theirs, I can then alter my frequency to where I want it to be, which could be where I wish to convince the other person to be or see things from, and the vibrational frequency of the other person changes too, in lockstep and resonance with mine, because I matched my vibrational frequency to theirs, first. It is almost like magic, really.

Another thing I realized that helped me understand my path better and reinforces and corroborated what I already was aware of and believed, was the '3-6-9' method, of having three affirmations repeated 6 times a day, each one for 9 seconds. The narrator mentioned that when reciting those three affirmations, its important that one does so as if one had already achieved or attained them, so not 'I want to be happy with my life', but instead 'I am happy with my life'. And this is something that I have talked about and known for a while now. I even coined a name for it: "The rule of Temporal Bases", wherein one virtually travels to the future in which they succeeded and achieved all their goals, dreams and ambitions and operates from there as if they were already there, and then traces back their virtual and vicarious steps, or as Steve Jobs puts it, 'connects the dots looking backwards', and determine which path is likely to follow those steps from the future to the present, instead of the present to the future, hence, connecting the dots backwards instead of forwards, and then one comes back to the present and act as if they're operating from a base, akin to a military base, -hence the name- in the present, but their headquarters is in the future wherein they succeeded and virtually came back from. Very interesting stuff!

Anyway, gotta sleep now, it's kinda getting late over here, just shy of 1:40 am .. phew! That was a long write!

Thank you again, dear diary, for always being here for me, to listen, help me share my thoughts and be myself.. and just be ..

1:40 AM · Jun 9, 2023

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Dear Diary,

Honestly, I dunno where to start this, I mean, it's been two weeks since I last talked to you, and I feel like I ditched you during those two weeks. I was so indescribably busy and every time I said I would write to you something would pop up and I would end up not doing so. But, I guess I had to write this sooner or later anyway, and delaying it would be merely delaying the inevitable.

I am however, despite of this, pleased to tell you that during those two weeks, I discovered and learned a lot and had sundry realizations about the Fundamental Realm, my home; whence I came.

I wish to start by reiterate a few things about me that I've told you before, but hey, reminders never hurt, eh?

I am a transitory guest; a temporary visitor; an ephemeral space traveler; yet an eternal time traveler of sorts.

A brief, fragile flash of conscious existence in this world. I seek to be a catalyst; an advisor; a guide; a true leader. One that doesn’t seek to get others to believe in them, but rather, one that seeks to find ways to get others to believe in themselves. One that believes in others. I don’t seek to be a person of success, but rather a person of value.

A healer, restorer, peacemaker, storyteller.

An empath.

A pure heart,

And a playful, child-like soul.. for all eternity.

I seek to help others find their true potential, -which I am strongly convinced is the purpose of my life-, and to be their guide and ally.

To always be there for others.

I seek to become a valuable asset. I seek to be of precious value and great use, to the people around me, and to the world more broadly. I seek to add value to everything I ever get involved in. To contribute everything I have. And bring a much-needed sense of peace that we all lack, into everyone’s world.

I seek to help bring light into the lives of others.

To pour peace, into people's lives.

An invincible peace.

An invincible bliss.

An invincible smile.

An invincible hope.

An invincible calm.

An invincible love.

An invincible vibe of positivity.

And an invincible summer.

I am fully aware that I cannot rescue anyone, I cannot heal them, I cannot save them, and I certainly cannot make choices for them. I cannot fix them, I cannot change them, I cannot teach them anything, but can only help them discover it within themselves.

I can guide them as to where to look, but cannot tell them what to see.

And whatever they’re feeling, I cannot feel it for them, I can only feel it with them. I can only be in it with them.

I can promise they won’t journey alone.

I can lend them my map, but the trip,

is theirs to make.

I also now have got more confirmation of the existence of the Fundamental Realm. Recently I watched a speech by Jim Carrey that I had stumbled upon many many years ago towards the beginning of my journey ..

He said “Because ultimately, we’re not the avatars we create. We’re not the pictures on the film stock. We are the light that shines through. All else is just smoke and mirrors; distracting, but not truly compelling… I was concerned about going out into the world and doing something bigger than myself. Until someone smarter than myself made me realise that there’s nothing bigger than myself. My soul is not contained within the limits of my body, my body is contained within the limitlessness of my soul. One unified field!”

Then in another video by Mr. Prince Ea, also one that I had watched many years ago, he had said that we are energy. and energy is. Energy is. .. to be honest, all those years since I had first watched that video, I hadn't realized what it all meant.. The expression "Energy is. energy is." eluded my mental capacity and comprehension. But now, having gone through years and years of this training on this journey.

He ended that video with a quote from Pierre Teilhard de Chardin wherein he had said "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience.

A friend of mine, who's a disciple of Ram Dass, just like his mother, he wrote once "Embrace the impermanence of everything! Be like a duck resting on the water in a storm. Waves roll under him, he is not disturbed. Rain rolls off his back, he is not moved by it. Strive to be in this world, but not of it - we are much, much more than just the atoms that make up our body. Keep in mind that this world will continue to turn long, long after we have all been recycled. Having normal human emotions, attachments, goals, desires and frailties does not preclude also feeling a strong, uplifting, dynamic and positive connection to the Spirit of the Universe.

However big you imagine that the universe is, it is actually much bigger than that.

However much you know that life exists in a gazillion places, it is actually even more widespread than that.

My heart beats with the love energy that all life is infused with. Your heart beats with it too! It is a reflection of the vast, eternal life/love energy that permeates all reality, all time and all space.

Permanent.

Made up of countless impermanent lives!

Carpe freaking diem, man. Seize the moment. Be the adventure of life, seeking its self in awareness."

Additionally, Thich Nhât Hanh, aka "The father of mindfulness", in “No Death, No Fear” had added "This body is not me; I am not caught in this body, I am life without boundaries, I have never been born and I have never died. Over there the wide ocean and the sky with many galaxies All manifests from the basis of consciousness.

Since beginningless time I have always been free. Birth and death are only a door through which we go in and out. Birth and death are only a game of hide-and-seek. So smile to me and take my hand and wave good-bye. Tomorrow shall meet again or even before. We shall always be meeting again at the true source, Always meeting again on the myriad paths of life."

So, dear diary, thats it for today. I believe my journey is its own reward, again, there is no destination, only the journey and the company; the former exists but doesn't matter, and the latter exists and is the only thing that matters.

Please again forgive me for not writing to you in so long, I'll try my best not to let it happen again.

Peace, and thank you dear diary. Thank you!

12:17 AM · Jun 23, 2023

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Dear Diary,

I guess we're now back together again, reunited on this stream of life, this path here, in this story we're living together.. I didn't miss a day to talk to you, at least technically not.. hahaha..

Anyway, I've got more news to share with you if that's ok with you, of course.. hehe..

I realized something else about the Fundamental Realm, I feel like evil doesn't exist there, and I honestly don't believe it does.. It doesn't seem to anyway.. perhaps with more exploration and advancing into the uncharted territory there I could find out more for sure, but for now, it doesn't exist.. or it seems so ..

And that means that all this talk about 'evil' people and villains in our world, is just balderdash. So-called 'Evil' doesn't truly exist. I mean, for one, from a homosapien-based perspective, we humans are wired for generosity, kindness and service to others, not for destruction and hatred or jealousy etc.. and that is according to many studies conducted all over the world, as far as I have learned..

So, the question becomes, if we're wired for being kind, generous, thoughtful and loving, why do some of us act in seemingly 'evil' ways?

From my journey thus far, I believe the answer is that, just like the yin and yang, we have two sides in us: The true us, the good us, the us that is wired for kindness, generosity and so on.. and then we've got the other side inside of us, the greedy, selfish and feckless us. It's like we have two wolves inside of us, and they keep fighting each other. And the one that wins, is the one we feed.

Mary Wollstonecraft, who was a philosopher and writer, once wrote, "No (hu)man chooses evil because it's evil. he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks.."

So, basically what this all means in life and ins practice, is that, for all means and purposes, no is truly "evil" in the way we see in movies, series and kids' shows. That type of evil doesn't exist in our world, at the Fundamental level, and thus, there are two conclusion to draw here:

The first lesson or conclusion here is that, if no one is truly and genuinely evil, then there is no reason to demonize or dehumanize others, no matter how flagitious or 'evil' they might seem to be. We're all humans after all, and no one is born 'evil', just like no one is born racist, sexist or misogynist.. These prejudices and 'evil' traits are learned thereafter .. They are nurture, instead of nature; a common debate in human psychology disciplines..  And what we can learn, we can unlearn. It just needs our thought processes to change, and for that to happen, our belief systems need to change. And as far as I have found out, dear Diary, emotions are one of the most powerful and potent tools to affect or change people's beliefs and thought processes..

Second conclusion is that if evil only manifests as a consequence of one's life experiences or upbringing etc., then that means, at the fundamental level, evil indeed doesn't exist, and thus, is not part of the Fundamental Realm.

Also, here's an addendum to my previous poem on the Fundamental Realm, dear Diary:

“This is the realm whence I came,

I shall thus live with no shame,

And with no one to blame,

For life is just like hide-and-seek,

it's nothing but a game,

Energy is what I am, and it’s my name

It’s all about the art of dancing in the rain,

And dancing through the fire,

Only to come on the other side,

Unharmed, uninjured, with no ire.

To move through life, to glide,

To become the flow,

In times of darkness, to be the glow,

That illuminates the path to slide,

To live my life in service of all humanity,

To save our civilization from its chronic insanity,

To become the wave,

To become the ocean,

Riding that wave gracefully,

To not become the wind,

But the current itself,

To waft along elegantly,

To be it, fully and with no pain,

Or resistance,

In peace, and at peace,

To become peace itself,

All graciously.

For I have got nothing to lose,

And nothing at all to gain.”

I love to live this way. Nothing to lose, and nothing to gain. Most people wish to have nothing to lose, but have everything to gain. I believe that there are four levels of awareness in this respect:

1- Those who believe that they've got everything to lose, and nothing to gain.

I believe those people being just pessimists or people whom are suffering from PTSD or something like that, I'm not sure really ..

2- Then, there are those who still believe that they've got everything to lose, and everything to gain.

Again, these people will continue to just live in fear and in terror, mainly because of the manufactured negative scenarios in their minds, and will live in illusions until they change their belief system to become different..

Different like the next two ones:

3- Those who believe that they've got nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

These people have successfully crossed a line of realization and attained and endorsed the belief that they've got nothing to lose, which is excellent.

They won't be living in much fear, if at all. But, and yes, there is always a 'but', they are still living attached to their attachments. The Buddha said that attachment is the root of all suffering. But I learned and believe that its not our attachments that cause us our suffering, I mean, we're all human and we have preferences, and we can call them 'preferences' but really they're attachments.. They still are stuck in the matrix of wanting and craving stuff and things; fake stuff and things; in other words, illusions! illusions such as fame, power, money, status, luxury etc.. These things do not exist in the Fundamental Realm at all, Period. But these people will continue to chase them nonetheless, even if they know they've got nothing to lose, they'll still be deceived and tempted by their egos into chasing something they already possess.

As Jim Carrey said once regarding the ego "And if you listen to it, there will always be someone who's doing better than you. No matter what you gain, ego will not let you rest. It will tell you that you cannot stop until you've left an indelible mark on the Earth. Until you've achieved immortality.. How tricky is this ego, that it would tempt us with the promise of something we already possess?"

4- But the last type is of those who can see through the fake reality of this ephemeral world, and fugacious, brief life. They realise that everything that they could ever gain will rot and fall apart, and all that will be left of them will be what was in their hearts; just is a memory, a legacy, of how well they lived, how deeply they loved and how often they were able to let go of things beyond their control.

And that sort of mindset and belief system, means that they dont live their lives with any expectations, any assumptions, any judgement, or attachment to their attachment. They live life fully and unapologetically. They aren't overly concerned with what other people think of them. They let go. They accept everyone for who it is they are. For they realise that this is a fake world, so what's the point of wasting our brief visit of existence in it to attain unreal, fake things, entities and notions, such as fame?

Those are the ones whom, as far as I'm concerned, are truly enlightened. They realise that it's not about the destination, which doesn't exist, and it's not about the journey either. That its about the company.

And thus, I ask myself often:

What’s the point of having fame, if one has no function?

What’s the point of having success, if one has no significance?

What’s the point of having the money, when one has no meaning?

What’s the point of having power, when one has no purpose?

What’s the point of making a living, when one doesn’t have a life?

What’s the point of going with the flow of the river, when one can become the flow?

What’s the point of surfing the wave in the ocean, one one can become the wave?

What’s the point of trying to catch the current of the wind, when one can become the current?

What’s the point of being ‘at peace’, when one can learn to become peace?

Peace itself, manifesting itself in human form.

Anyway, thats it for today dear Diary. I hope you've now forgiven me for ostensibly abandoning you for almost two weeks..

Take care,

Yusuf

6:59 PM · Jun 24, 2023

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Dear Diary,

I write to you at this time as I do not wish to repeat the same mistake of the recent past with you.

I have now taken a vow, to be free from five main elements so as to become truly enlightened:

Firstly, being free from judgements. I know our judgmental minds get in the way of our understanding of one another. This includes things like blaming, shaming, comparing and criticising.

Secondly, to be free from assumptions. Nothing is truly as it initially seems. If one wishes to understand with no judgements, it's only follows and entails that one abstains from assumptions, at least as much as possible. After all, one cannot assume and always be right.

Thirdly, the Buddha once said "Attachment is the root of all suffering." .. But as one of my eminently wise friends taught me, it is actually our inability to let go of our attachments that makes us suffer. He taught me that what screws us most in life is the image in our minds of how it's 'supposed' to be. In other words, it is the models and expectations we have in our minds and whether those models and expectations are congruent with how the universe actually is. In simpler terms, fundamentally, it is not our attachments per se that cause us the suffering, but rather our attachments to our attachments that do so. This blew my mind when I first realized it. The universe, after all, is under no obligation whatsoever to make sense to us.

And all this is a perfect segue to the next and fourth point: Being free from expectations. Basically, when one is free from expectations one can then liberate themselves from the burden of disappointments. Because after all, if one has no expectations, how can one have any disappointments at all?

Fifth and final point: Being free from resistance to change. Just accepting things as they are. The universe is perfect as it is and will continue to change entropically till the end of time, if there is an end to time, of course. Wayne Dyer once said that "Change is the only constant in life."... and he is correct..

I learned to let go of what I cannot change, that is why I accept others for who it is they are. I am fully aware that when life ends, only three things will really ever matter, and they’ll define one’s legacy: How well we lived a life that is true to ourselves; how deeply we loved and cared for those we value and treasure; and how well we were able to let go of things that were beyond our control.

So I don’t just adapt to change, I become change.

I don’t just surf the wave, I become the wave.

I do not just go with the flow, I become the flow.

I do not just try to catch the wind, I become the current.

I do not only become peaceful, I become peace.

That is probably why I radiate a sense of peace, calm, bliss and reassurance to those around me. That is how I became a valuable asset to those that come in contact with me. That is all because I learned, and am still learning, how to never let anything or anyone disturb my vibrational frequency.

I learned to be still in the midst of a storm. I learned to be like a duck. Waves rage below me, I am unperturbed. Rain pelts down on me, I am undisturbed. I am in this world, but not of it. I do not belong in here. This is not my world. I am merely a fugacious flicker of light. A passing quanta of energy. A soul that, in other words, is in this world to serve a purpose and accomplish its given mission, and then return home. That is all I am. That is why I seek to be of value to everyone around me. For I do not seek to become a person of success, I only seek to become a person of value.

I learned that if intelligence is the ability to adapt to change, then wisdom is becoming the change.

If intelligence is going with the flow, then wisdom is becoming the flow.

If intelligence is surfing the wave and not drowning, wisdom is becoming the wave, and daring to drown.

I learned that when intelligence speaks, wisdom listens.

And that wise people speak because they have something to say. But Intelligent people speak because they have to say something.

I once read this wonderful piece of writing that I'd like to share with you dear Diary: “Every moment of your life is deeply meaningful and plays a significant part in your journey. Often times, we judge the moment because things don't go our way, but if you look at life backwards, you understand that those moments made you evolve and brought a shift in your consciousness. Whatever you are going through right now will not make sense to your human mind...you can't comprehend the divine order of the Universe through logic. But sooner or later, all the dots will connect and you will realize that everything was connected all along.

So instead of judging the moment, learn to embrace each one. Higher consciousness is all about trusting the divine order of the Universe and seeing the deeper truth in every moment. Trust can only come from a place of surrender. Surrendering doesn't mean you let go of free will...it simply means you let go of the things that are not under your control. Instead of flowing against the current of the river, you become the flow."

So, through pain, through suffering and through constant overthinking, I realised that it is our perception and perspective of the world that truly shape us at the end of the day..

And I learned that one can, not just find peace, or be 'at peace' with themselves, but also be peace. Be peace itself, manifesting itself in human form.

I learned that one cannot be at peace with others until one is at peace with oneself.

I learned that;

One can, not just go with the flow, but become the flow,

One can, not just surf the wave, but become the wave,

One can, not try to catch the wind, but become the current,

One can, not just be at peace, but become peace.

And through it all, I realized,

One need not fear being carried away relentlessly by the flow, when one has become the flow.

One need not fear to drown while surfing the wave, when one has become the wave.

One need not fear being thrusted and carried upwards by the current of the wind, when one has become the current.

One need not fear not being at peace anymore, when one has become peace.

Because, after all,

How can one fear being carried away by the flow of the river, when one has become one with the river?

How can one fear drowning in the water of the ocean, when one has become one with the ocean?

How can one fear being taken away by the wind current, when one has become one with the wind?

How can one fear losing their sense of peace and not being at peace anymore, when one has become peace itself?

This is all, how my,

Default state, became Peace;

Default mode, became Empathy;

Default mood, became Bliss;

Default feeling, became Gratitude;

And default aura, became Grace!

Anyway, that's it for today. I'll be back tomorrow with more news and lessons to share, I'm going through a lot right now, but I still am able to maintain my peace; for I am peace itself, manifesting itself in human form!

Take care dear Diary,

C U soon!

Cheers!

11:11 PM · Jun 26, 2023

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Dear Diary,

I know, I know.. its been nigh on a month since I last checked up on you.. but best believe, I have many treasures with me brought to your grace and honor ..

I realised that, I cannot in a true sense, tell or teach anybody any spiritual truth that they, deep down in their hearts and fabric of existence, don’t know already. All I can do is merely remind them of their truth: The truth they have forgotten.

I try to always remember to comfort those in pain.

I seek to always offer to provide solace and consolation to those suffering, even if I don’t know what they’re suffering from.

To be there for those crying, not to stop the running of their tears, but to just help them cry.

To leave people better than I found them, to spread compassion and kindness, and an aura of peace, bliss and grace wherever I go.

To never let anyone come to me without leaving happier, more fulfilled and believing in themselves, when they previously might not have been.

To be an instrument of peace; to sow peace wherever there is hatred, anger or any negative feelings.

To hug the lost, kiss the broken, befriend the lonely, and love the unloved.

I heard once the saying “Beware of the unloved, because they will eventually hurt themselves.”

A wise person appreciates the importance of loving someone a little extra on their bad days. I know that we should always remember to be kind to unkind people, because they’re the ones who need it the most. As a healer, peacemaker, restorer and empath, I always seek to help others. To forgive, .. To forget.. I regularly remind myself that the first to apologise is the bravest, the first to forgive is the strongest, and the first to forget is the happiest.

Amy Weatherly puts this all beautifully, she said “You're going to come in contact with an awful lot of people who are at their absolute breaking point this week. Friends, family, co-workers, teachers, strangers in the grocery store, retail workers. While it may be the merriest time of the year for some, it may be the saddest, most stressful, loneliest, most heartbreaking for others.

We're all busy. But we're not too busy to be kind, caring, and patient.

Remember the best thing you can give someone this season is love.”

So, I regularly try to remind myself of the saying "In a world where you can be anything: Be kind!"

I also have now cemented my identity as just a kid.. a child..

Here's a short poem (if you can even call it that) to express my deep-seated feeling about this: (Hope you like it)

'My soul will always be a child playing about.

My body may age,

my mind may be sage,

But my soul always craves to slide,

to be always wild,

For aye like a child,

out of any cage.'

There is another poem, that I'd also like to share with you dear Diary.. though its not one I wrote, but one written by Juan Olivarez on 6/12/10 at 29 palms ca.

"Happiness.

Happiness is being home again,

Happiness is walking in the rain.

Happiness is waking with no pain.

Happiness to see my humble home,

Happiness at not being alone,

Happiness to sit, and not to roam.

Happiness is family to me,

Happiness in the faces, I longed to see,

Happiness is once more being free."

And I just LOVE it, dear Diary.. It illustrates to beautifully and artistically how happiness isn't something to be striven for, but merely a byproduct of our mindset..

The places we like.. the people we love.. the moments we cherish.. the memories we miss.. the experiences we long for.. the things we value..

Anyhow, that's it for now.. I know, how come have I become so daring and bodacious? I mean, I basically didn't write anything to you in a month! Ouch.. ! But, I just hope you forgive me.. Because remember, those who forgive, are the stronger ones...

Bless you, dear Diary!

Yusuf

7:01 PM · Jul 24, 2023

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Dear Diary,

I know it's been many weeks since I wrote to you, and even though I can sense you're probably sick of my excuses, best believe that I couldn't write to you much earlier than this, and that I will try my best to never leave you unattended to for this long a period ever again.

It's been an absolute wild ride here the last few weeks since I last talked to you. A guy from Canada had severely and calumniously dissed me and my generation, which as you may know, that is one of my very few red lines that nobody should cross. My planet and ancestors are the other red lines, and my generation and future ones, are just as inadvisable to cross.

I do feel like an ambassador of sorts, to my generation. It's a weird feeling, considering that I always found my sense of peace, calm, safety, security, stability and justice in adults, not in my contemporaries; and even still today, I can easily feel intimidated when around my age peers. But, I have realised it is part of my mission in life, -the mission I signed up for- to stand by and support young people from my, and future, generations. It is my response-ability.

That experience taught me patience, as that person had blocked and unblocked me more times than I could count, as well as the ability to truly forgive and let go, even if one of my red lines were being trespassed. Life is indeed too short to hold everything someone does against them. Forgiveness is indeed a magic pill.. In fact, I had written an entire article on forgiveness very recently, which garnered some reader attention, which was pleasing to me.. and for which, I am grateful.

Speaking of life being short, a couple days ago, I had my second panic attack -again, a massive and nerve-racking one-, and went to the hospital via an ambulance and stayed there up until 2 am ! It was one heck of a distressing experience! It did, however, help me reconsider life more clearly, and empower my Mortality Motivation. Now, I am reminded of the fragility of my life, and how it could all be taken away from me, how it could all go away, in no time.

A friend of mine from the States, had decided to block me cuz of what she projected onto me via assumptions and her own insecurities and ego structure, and hurt. I forgave her immediately. I am getting really good at this thing, you know.. haha..

I had read a blog post by a person I was following for quite a while, but whom I then unfollowed based on assumptions, judgements, and social impact theory. It was a mistake to unfollow him. But, that's not what mattered. What mattered is that the blog post he had written, was about his early life, childhood memories and so on with his father and grandma.. It made me hark back to my own, and the silent, suppressed and buried pain I carry from my loss of both my dad and grandma.. So, I decided to touch that pain and befriend it, as I learned is the wise thing to do from a fellow writer of mine. After all, buried emotions never die; they are buried alive and will come back later in uglier ways. We both know, I believe, how that worked out for me last time; I had a massive panic attack on it, that's how those suppressed emotions were able to be released and vented..

So, I decided to indeed touch that pain, and write up a message to my father, whom I never got to say goodbye to:

"Dear dad,

I cannot overstate how much you're missed here. I am ok, and going to college this year, in a few weeks at the time I'm writing this. I trust you're now in a better place. I am crying at the fact that we never got to say goodbye, you just left. Yet, I was strong enough to continue on life. I am doing my best to finish the things you started, and undo the mistakes that our family had done during the last century of our existence. I had founded that word document on your computer titled "Who am I?", I read it. I know.

I am trying my all to never forget to uphold the values and principles that you had instilled in you by grandma, and great-grandma, and which you passed onto me, commending me with them to always uphold, preserve and protect. I just want to make you , and grandma, proud. And, inşallah, I will. I will make you and her very proud of me. I know that I will eventually come and join you, I have grown so much since we last met, not just physically, but mentally, intellectually, spiritually and emotionally.

I am becoming, slowly but surely, everything I ever dreamt of becoming, and have even made more international contacts and friends than you had, or at least more than I suspect you had. I just wish you were here to witness all of it, to see it firsthand, and encourage me and be by my side whenever I need you. Because, I do need you. I still do. I never will stop needing you. I wish you were here to support me, and help me grow using your knowledge, contacts and experience, which I am confident you had a great deal of. I wish you were by my side, and just see and be proud of me and all the things I've become, and tell me that you are proud, in person. I still want to hear it from you, even though I trust that you already are. I just wish we could've spent more time together. Oh, how much I wish that.. if you could know..  I just need my dad back. I need him. I need you! I've been saying it since two days before your passing away, and I buried it all inside of me afterwards. I felt like a part of me had died on that devastating day. I mean this with all my heart. Even as I'm writing this, I am surprised at how emotionless I am on the outside, I expected I'd be sobbing and weeping right now, but I am not. I guess I became very good at burying it all inside of me after all those years, and simply crying on the inside. I just need you to be here with me, by my side. I will make you and grandma proud, will never betray or abandon our family values that we all carried from generation to generation. I promise you!

I love you!

Goodbye... father..

See you on the other side,

Until we meet,

Take care,

Your beloved son,

Yusuf"

Ok, my dear diary, I'll end it here. I'm sorry. I love you too. L8r.

5:15 AM · Sep 14, 2023

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Dear Diary,

I have no words to apologise for ostensibly neglecting you one more time. But believe me, the level of preoccupation and beleaguered overwhelm I had been under, especially emotionally, since I last talked to you.

If only you knew what betided in my adventurous and hectic life .. Well, instead of wishing you had, I'll apprise you of what occurred..

I discovered, in fact 3 days after I last wrote to you, of a most disillusioning and excruciating reality that I guess now in hindsight I had to dredge and learn about, no matter how painful it was: My dearest, most trusted and closest friends, had been a climate denier and very likely had been grooming me .. for all this two years. I trusted this person with my secrets, spent probably hundreds of hours with him spread between 7-hour zoom meetings, hours-long messenger and WhatsApp calls, and inordinately long exchanges via text.

When I learned that he didn't believe in any of the work we had spent the prior nigh on 2 years doing, and that he had willfully, unscrupulously and unabashedly, with no remorse, qualms or shame, duped, bamboozled and lied to me, and enchanted and manipulated me for his own nefarious and gruesome ends. It's frankly something I didn't see coming.

But, thankfully, my spiritual journey of wisdom and enlightenment helped guide me to not respond or breakdown emotionally,  or have a tantrum or anxiety attack or something from the immeasurable pain of disappointment. I learned to let go, and that was a perfect practical exam life had put me through, and needless to say, I did pass. And I'm proud of myself.

Ram Dass' sage and timely words promptly popped into my mind: "So somebody comes along and gets to me. They get me angry or uptight, or they awaken some desire in me.

Wow, I am delighted. They got me, and that's my work on myself. If I am angry with you because your behavior doesn't fit my model of how you should be, that's my problem for having models. No expectations, no upset. If you're a liar and a cheat, that's your karma. If I am cheated, that's my work on myself."

So, that's it for now dear Diary, I don't wanna keep you for long. I know you probably got so much else to do.. haha.. (sarcasm here).

Thank you, profusely and eternally, dear Dairy. I am grateful to have you in my life. I am thankful.

May the Peace never leave our side,

10:58 AM · Nov 4, 2023

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Dear Diary,

I write to you after over a week of tremendous agony, anguish, mental turmoil and haywire emotional instability. I had not been feeling alright at all. I had a fallout with someone close to my heart, and whom I owe a great deal of who I am to. We haven't spoken to each other in nigh on two weeks. I am in pain.

In the aftermath of that mentally and emotionally intense and agonizing predicament and dilemma, I have been once again reminded of a highly powerful lesson here, one that I'll never forget and that one of my mentors, Mr. Jay Shetty had shared many years back, which is that one has to be mindful of who feeds their soul and who drains their energy. And that that was what self-awareness was about. I am grateful for the opportunity to be alive to have gone through the experience and been consequently reminded of that timeless lesson.

All the emotional and mental cauldron of angst, bane, distress and pain I have been subjected to over the last couple of weeks has impelled me to reconsider how I live and re-evaluate everything again in a new light, what matters most and what doesn't. I realised that I survive best in a high-energy environment, insofar as when I work and get things done, and help others in the process, I am able to better heal myself. It's indeed like Ram Dass put it, working on myself as my offering to others, while working with others as a way of working on myself.

Now back to my journey into the Fundamental Realm.

I'm still on the path to become peace. Not peaceful, not “at peace”, not “in my happy place” and not “in peace”. But peace ..; Peace itself, manifesting itself in human form.

Few people ever reach that level of awareness and enlightenment. But to even be on the path to one day get close enough to reaching it -cuz, remember? there are no destinations, only the journey and company-, it still took me years and probably thousands upon thousands of hours, of pure hard work, of introducing new ideas and notions into the system; of being a voracious learner; of being able to have no active ego, of being able to have a malleable and ever-changing belief system, instead of an ossified one; of having the will and desire to always be open to changing my point of view, to suspend myself and live in another’s world.

That’s how I am becoming peace; Peace itself, manifesting itself in human form. And I’m only 19. I wonder what the future has in store for me .. only time will tell, if I am going to live that long anyway.. and if I don’t, then I’m happy to return whence I came.. to a place where I call home .. a realm that is accessible to and that has hosted and honoured the world’s greatest sages, masters, teachers, philosophers, moral exemplars, artists and even scientists.

A realm, that I call The Fundamental Realm..

The realm whence I came, and the realm whereto I shalt return. For I learned this life is merely a story to be lived, a collection of experiences to be had, memories to be made, beautiful souls will cross my path, and I’ll always be grateful and blessed for the experience. Life and death, as Thich Nhât Hanh, in “No Death, No Fear” put it, are a game of hide-and-seek. Mere stops in our eternal journey together. As brothers and sisters. For we are all one, always have, always will.

As Jim Carrey would say, my soul isn’t confined to the limits of my body, my body is contained within the limitlessness of my soul. For we are energy, and energy has no color, no race, no gender, no nationality and no religion other than existing. Existing only to serve others and be of true value and use and contribution to the place it’s in, on the boundless tapestry of the cosmos, throughout the fabric space and time. For we are energy. Peace. Bliss. Here to help each other. “We are all just walking each other home”, as Ram Dass reminds us.

And, throughout my spiritual journey, I am now convinced, that this “home” is what I call the Fundamental Realm. It’s that place that Thich Nhât Hanh refers to when continues “We shall always be meeting again at the true source. Always meeting again on the myriad paths of life."

I am sure it has many other names, bestowed upon it by the likes of Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, Ghandi and all my other peers from across space and time. For all past, present and future exist in one singularity. So they are all here with us. Just in a parallel realm. The realm whence we came.

So it behoves any person who truly wishes to change the world, to first change themselves, to work on themselves and be the person that would be compatible with the world they’re trying to create. To work on oneself as oneself's offering to others, and to work with others as a way of working on oneself. That is what the game of being is all about. And to realise and always be mindful of the brevity and ephemerality of our journey, and that we’re all just here, walking each other home. Home. To whence we came. For as you are so once was I, but as I am you too will be.

All of this really reminds me of Einstein's remarks of “When you examine the lives of the most influential people who have ever walked among us, you discover one thread that winds through them all. They have been aligned first with their spiritual nature and only then with their physical selves. When something vibrates, the entire electrons of the universe resonate with it. It's all connected. The greatest tragedy in human existence is the illusion of separateness. Regarding the matter, we have been completely wrong. What we have called matter is energy, whose vibration has been lowered so much that it is noticeable to the senses. Matter is spirit reduced to visibility”.

I also had learned and realized further that negative emotions such as anger, are nothing but merely inconsistencies and vibrational fluctuations in our vibrational frequency (or VF for short), in other words, they are negative vibes that reflect the disharmony and imbalance in our frequency, and show us that it is out of tune and out of sync with the frequency of our true self.

The practical benefit of such a realization can be found in a statement that we heard all too often, “Energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be converted from one form to another."

And so, if negative emotions such as anger are just negative vibrational alterations or fluctuations, and are thus subject to the laws of waves, and hence are energy, then we could begin to understand how we could very astutely learn to convert that negative energy, those inconsistencies in our VF, into positive energy, in other words, being anti-fragile, instead of trying to be resilient and simply putting up with all the negativity, or even worse, trying to ‘eliminate’ or destroy or get rid of that negative energy, which, we can’t!

Because energy cannot be destroyed, when we try to destroy that 'negative' energy created by the inconsistencies or fluctuations of our VF, we are dooming ourselves to failure each time, because we'd be trying to do something that's against the laws of physics, and spirituality.

Anyways, that's it for now dear Diary. I again extend my infinite and cordial gratitude to you. I am indeed blessed and thankful to have you in my life.

Until next time,

Take care,

Yusuf

7:01 PM · Nov 20, 2023

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Dear Diary,

Things have been sort of crazy stark raving mad lately.. The sands are shifting quicker than ever.. I was gonna write to you about it all.. but, I feel like waiting for this chapter of my life story to near its end first would help me recount it all to you with a clearer, impartial and fair mind. After all, we cannot connect the dots looking forwards, we can only connect them looking backwards..

In the meantime, I wish to share with you a letter I wrote to one of my mentors, who recently had severed ties with me for no good reason/gratuitously.. I forgive him, though.. he's just somebody's hurt child. People are all wounded children, inhabiting adult bodies.. no need to take things personally, or bear any grudges or umbrage.. Life's too short for that.

I like to remind you of the what Ram Dass taught us: "Together we are all on a journey called life. We are all a little broken and a little shattered inside. Each one of us is aspiring to make it to the end. None is deprived of pain here and we have all suffered in our own ways. I think our journey is all about healing ourselves and healing each other in our own special ways. Let's just help each other put all those pieces back together and make it to the end more beautifully. Let us help each other survive."

So, that's what I'm doing. For I am lovingkindess. I am Peace. I am just a kid. I am energy. I am .. just am..

Dearest Mr. Davidowitz,

As we approach Christmas eve, and the new year, I wish to express my cordial and boundless gratitude, as well as my heartfelt felicitations to you on your exemplary work, tireless and selfless efforts, and purely loving soul. I wish to add that I understand and feel you for being the way you were to me.. for having to show up in the ways you did, which did feel irreconcilable with your sage teachings, noble principles and commendable values.

For most of my life until rather recently, I had almost always been the unseen, unheard, unsung, unwanted, unvalued, made-to-feel-unworthy kid. I was invisible. Nigh on no one saw me. I just always wanted to make an impact on the world, to help make other people’s lives better, even if just by a trifle or mildly. I always say ‘If my life can help someone else, then.. it matters’ , and, if my life is to matter, I have to be of service and unconditional loving presence to others. I always sought that, yet, the world chose to not see me, and I will not deceive myself that my fingerprints have not smeared it either. I was -and in fact, still am- exceptionally and excessively shy, and bear a mind-bendingly high and intense emotional sensitivity. Lamentably, I have also historically suffered from lack of self-confidence and underestimating myself. This is all then compounded by my mild autism (ASD).

And, for my entire life, rejection, fear of failure, the dread of not being liked, the loss of love or affection in one’s eyes, being afraid to the core of others seeing less of me, exclusion, isolation, loss of the few friends who existed in my life, .. all of it, with all the concomitant pain, agony, bane, purgatory, suffering, grief, and feeling of unworthiness, are triggered when someone I value, love or admiringly hold in high esteem, reject or disavow me. This devastates me on the order of magnitude of an endless supply of Hiroshimas being dropped on my wounded, fragile, mostly shattered, and extraordinarily emotionally sensitive, child soul. This all raised the question: How could others, especially those whom are demonstrably wise and seem like true paragons of lovingkindness, be so callous, thoughtless and cruel? That is a question that I am still grappling with.. I wonder about the answer in every moment of my existence..

Yet, I choose to espouse the identity of loving awareness. Just like my late father always was till his tragic passing in 2019. Rejection, marginalization, predominate lack -and loss of- friends, loneliness, … agh.. an invisible ghost, I was and had been for a decade and a half, roaming around, screaming into the abyss, questioning his existence and if anyone will ever hear his unearthly, spectral voice. A scarecrow, wondering if he’ll ever be alive again and achieve his true potential, or will he continue to be unseen, unsung, and unwanted. All I ever wanted was help. But, the world time and again, at almost every turn, demonstrated to me that it does not want it. For the longest time, I struggled with accepting that. But, as I travelled through space and time on my spiritual journey of enlightenment and wisdom, I began to learn that the universe shall turn as it wishes, and we must turn with it. That one must find the courage to turn the page, even when one knows someone won’t be in the next chapter; for the story has to go on. I felt that with my father, and now with you.

I began to learn that things are just the way they are, and we manufacture a contrived maelstrom of self-inflicted suffering by refusing to let things just be. We mercilessly use the world as a staging ground, and other people as fodder, to play out our own version of reality and truth. Life has taught me that by clinging onto our attachments of how we think it is ‘supposed to be’, and by denying how reality is, we betray our inner Peace and embroil ourselves in meaningless denial fights that we’re inescapably destined to lose every time. That, sometimes, just sometimes, there is no one to blame, and nothing to fix. It was a tough pill to swallow, I confess, especially when one is so young and vulnerable in the first place.

And yet, it is despite of -or shall I dare to say, because of, or even thanks to- all this trauma, suffering, pain, depression, agony, tribulation, betrayal, loss, grief.. all of it, that I’ve found my inner light. Life taught me that one should not be afraid of the tenebrous emptiness, for it is therein that stars shine. That, it is only in suffering, do we find our will. Only in chaos do we learn to be still. Only in fear do we find our might. And only in darkness that we can see our light. And in the end, I had the ultimate revelation: I am lovingkindness. I am the energy that flows throughout all living beings. I am it. It is me. We .. are .. one.

I am the Peace that has eluded so many, for they are lost in their myopically lucrative and tantalizingly luring materialistic, solipsistic and ego-feeding endeavors. And your profound, eye-opening and sage writings were uttermostly life-changing and transformational for me, for they helped propel me years -even decades- forwards even further to new heights of human understanding, enlightened insights, exalted perspectives, and profound wisdom, and allowed me to experience probably the most concerted, intense, and vociferously expeditious period of self-development and transformation I ever was fortunate and blessed enough to experience. And, with all my heart I convey that, I indeed could not be more grateful or thankful that our paths had crossed. Nonetheless, I do accept and respect your wish to sever ties -however unceremoniously and mayhap a tad thoughtlessly- with me.

I understand that you’re doing your best, and it is the fear of another -in this case, me- that is clouding your judgement. I feel you. The illusion of separation has you. But I trust in fate that you will one day achieve the level of enlightenment and wisdom to access the full totality of the truth that has always resided within you. I know for a fact that you are able to feel others, suspend your pride, ego and identification with your roles and identities, and simply live in their world, as cosmic spacious emptiness. I have no doubt you’re blessed with the power of empathy. Listen to it. For whether if these are my last days on planet Earth, or if I am still destined to continue to shine my light on the world and illuminate the path for others to follow who are lost or in need of guidance, I ensure to never fail to continually remind myself to, quiet my mind, open my heart, and relieve suffering. I trust that you do too. I believe that, with all my heart and being.

Life has taught me to never mistake the map for territory, and to never ever let the vehicle become the destination; for it is just another illusion -no less so than the illusion of separation. For it blinds our vision, distorts our inner truth, and clouds our judgement to the irrefragable, apodeictic and universal truth in the game of being: That there is no destination. There is a journey, and that even the journey is not what ultimately matters. A young disciple curiously posed the question to his wise master “Master, which is more important, the journey or the destination?”, to which the master sagely responded with a loving tone, “The company”.

Life has taught me, even at my age, that the point isn’t to become accomplished. It isn’t to become famous or powerful. It isn’t to produce something that society would value as being worthy. It isn’t in the labels: philosopher, writer, psychiatrist, student, astronaut, -even father and son-; for “that’s just more stuff”, as Ram Dass would wisely remark. Life has taught me that we are all energy, we are the universe looking back upon itself, experiencing itself in human form.. for just a while. Thus, it is not in those perceived ‘successes’ we fabricate and bestow value upon, that we find peace and harmony. It is not in those metrics that we find our truth. But rather, it is in the moment to moment experiences and interactions of loving awareness with fellow human souls -fellow energies- that we do stay on the path, finding our truth.. as we continue to walk .. each other home.

I do not know if our paths will ever cross again, but one thing is for certain: I could not be more grateful that they already had, even if for a brief interlude. As change is the only constant in life; Fall in love with it, a friend of ours would suggest. I indeed could not be more thankful, grateful, or feel more blessed or fortunate that the universe made it so that my soul comes across you, and yours across mine. It was the honour of my life to accompany you on your journey for that period. All is ephemeral. Shall we meet again, may it be in Peace and lovingkindness. If not, then I am forever grateful for you, and your wise teachings. Thank you for teaching. I need not judge another soul. You’re worthy and you matter to me, just the way you are, for there is no other person in the world like you. I can always get more writings, we can always get more ‘stuff’, we can’t get another Mitch Davidowitz. You are one of a kind, sir. You’re the light that shines through the caliginous tenebrosity of our world. Keep shining your light, Master. May we meet again, on the myriad paths of life.

And remember this Christmas, and as we approach the new year, whether you're at the dinner table, contemplatively chilling in front of the fireplace, or preparing cookies and milk for Santa🎅🏻, Keep shining your light! And Never let it dim.

Life has taught me that all one can take with them is that which one has given away. And you have indubitably given away so much, and so immensely, so generously, with no expectation of any reward or accolades, that you are right in whatever you see fit to do for your own good, and that of the world -the greater good-, which I harbor not even the most infinitesimal iota of doubt is your ultimate guide and compass. As Ralph Emerson wisely noted “To know even one soul has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” I live by that, and it has made all the difference. For it enlightened my path and helped me realize, I am ALREADY successful. Thereby, since quite some time ago, I have not and am not chasing success, I am seeking the next step, one that most people only get to arrive at in their 50s and 60s -if ever-, at which I’ve arrived before I was even in my 20s: Significance.

Wishing you from the bottom of my heart, a most memorably blissful, cordially lovely, serenely graceful, spectacularly awesome, unmistakably remarkable, heartwarmingly unforgettable, and most importantly, a most Merry, Christmas, holiday season, and new year! 🎁🎄🎅🏻✨🌟

May your days be filled with joy, fulfillment, meaning, purpose, love, kindness, mercy, magnanimity, generosity, patience, understanding, compassion, bliss, empathy, harmony, balance, grace, prosperity, laughter, courage to let go, success as you define it, unforgettable memories, and all what you deserve at your best. 🥹🌟🥰

My wish for you and all our sacred fellow human souls, is that we find healing, Peace and calm amidst the endless storms and dramas we contrive, and discover our deepest truth in the game of being.

I love, cherish, value, treasure and hold you in high esteem and near and dear to my heart. I am forever grateful to you. Forever beholden. I owe you my life. Thank you.. just for existing.

Out beyond all the manmade notions of righteousness and wrongfulness, there is a spiritual field. You can meet me there.

May your sacred, loving soul be bountifully, dearly and boundlessly blessed, Master.

May we have the courage to look back at our doings with a clear heart of love,

May we start with polishing the mirror of our life journey,

May we begin with making Peace with the darkness within,

And May we be the Peace we yearningly seek in the world.

I forgive you for being human.

I am loving awareness.

I am Peace; Peace itself, manifesting itself in human form.

May the Peace be with you.

I honour your soul. ☮️😌

Namaste 🙏

3:52 PM · Dec 25, 2023

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Dearest Diary,

It has been a couple weeks since I last wrote to you -I realise that- and I apologise for the travesty of a situation that I have characterized our relationship with. A diary is supposed to be your daily friend, or so they say. I hold a discordant note to that. I believe that friendship, companionship, do not require daily communication or interaction. Cuz as long as one's heart is there, carrying the other side in it, does the rest really matter?

I've been blessed with many fellow souls accompanying me on my ephemeral, sacred journey. Some have been deeply involved in my life and its concomitant inner workings and drills, others, have endorsed a more hands-off approach and simply let me be.. left me alone.

One of them is my friend, Dave, from the States. Now, I've got many friends from there, such as Mr. Ken, but Dave is different. He isn't perfect, I mean, come on, let's be realistic, who is? I again digress, but anyhow, he prodded me to pursue something more of a quotidian diary -hence honoring its eponymous name "diary"- and thus I have decided to give it a go. For some reason, I do feel like I will not be able to maintain it as daily for any appreciably extended length of time, but, who knows? Maybe I will. We'll see how it goes.. One must never vitiate or hurt their own chances before even commencing an undertaking, right?

Luckily, there is some material from a couple days ago that is worth getting jotted down and documented, so, let's start, shall we?

So this new -hopefully- daily diary entry series is gonna be about my everyday life on Earth in this form, instead of it being on my journey through the Fundamental Realm and how it ties to my philosophical odyssey; A sort of Philosophies of Everydayism type of endeavor is what we're referring to here.

I went a couple days ago, last Friday, to the Asian side of Istanbul, to Kadıköy, which is the district of Istanbul wherein my great-grandma was born.

It all started on the eve of that day, so the night of the day before -on Thursday- when my friend called me -well, after first sending a few messages which I hadn't responded to- and asked me if we could go hang out somewhere the following day. I elatedly accepted his proposed plan and said yes. So the night turns into day, and I, after distributing some new year's presents on my former colleagues at the translation office I was an intern at, went to near where he lives and met him. We walked together through the streets of our district, Fatih. As we were walking down the main street of the area where he lived, he soon after realised there was something pricking at his eyes and clogging his vision; it was a fly -or probably something of similar kind- that had dashed directly into his eyes: an airborne striker!

I bought him a small bottle of water and he splashed up his face with it as I and worriedly poured the water from the bottle onto his open, adjoined palms.

Anyway, we continue our walk, and I realised my phone wouldn't last the entire day -which was already half-over due to the shortened length of day courtesy of winter time being in place. Then I learn that we'll be passing through the main street of where I live to get to the Tram train in order to get to the marine transport dock and cross the Bosphorus. So, I decided that since we'll be passing almost literally from in front of my home, in the nearby proximity, I may as well on our way to the Tram stop at where I live to grab my laptop, and consequently my backpack so that I can charge my anachronistically outdated and nigh on defunct phone. It was, in retrospect, a wise decision, brought upon us serendipitously by our passing by near where I live. Destiny sure loves to give us the chills, doesn't it?

As we traverse that street together, he tells me that it is his birthday. I was taken way aback by that and articulated my deep dismay and lament that I hadn't been cognizant of this as to get him a present. He graciously and so very thoughtfully retorted that my presence was enough. That drew a wide, wise, winsome smile on my thitherto lamenting complexion.

So, we get on the Tram, and during the journey we overhear -definitely not eavesdrop..

- on two ladies standing beside us confabulating in English, which isn't Emir's forte, as he can scarcely make out -let alone fathom- a few handful words, if at all. The woman standing on the opposite side of me -so next to Emir- was being asked by the other lady about her travels abroad. I assumed she was Turkish and had just seen the entire world or something... and I was half correct. Cuz it turns out that she had indeed travailed 97 out of 194 countries; half the world! I was flabbergasted and totally pleasantly appalled! It startled me. I mean, how could she have been able to travel almost a hundred countries? She mentioned she had travelled to Iceland, Norway, China, Nepal and unless my memory is deceiving me, also Mexico, amongst, like, 92 others. Lol. I was just in admiration of her grit and perseverance to have spent her life exploring the world, and being intrigued and in awe by it. They alighted the Tram one station prior to us. Emir couldn't make out any words, but as we disembarked ourselves as the train terminated at the final station, I began reeling off what I attentively heard from the two ladies, recounting it to him like some sort of spy or translator. Maybe there is that proclivity in me, who knows?

So, we finally get to the seaport and got onto a ship that traverses the Bosphorus. At last, we were at Kadıköy. Now, I was thrilled with an almost tangible, palpable, suffusive sensation of belonging as we docked and began to disembark. After all, this was where my dearest great-grandma was born. Well, the district wherein she was born, obviously she wasn't born in the vicinity of the port.. haha. So, as we perambulate through the marine shoreline of that area I get Emir and myself something to eat and drink from a vendor we stumbled upon on our way. Emir informed me we'll be going to a specific place or area he wishes to spend some time in, I tender my full approbation, I mean, how couldn't I? It was his birthday after all, and he chose to spend it with me. That was an honour I was resolved to requite, in full grace and kindness.

So, we trek for a few kilometers down the streets and into what seemed on the navigation map as the hinterland of Kadıköy, and we entertain our time by talking about whatever. We arrived there finally, we sat there together and took our breaths, and relished the park we were in throughout our sedentary break on a bank there as we relievedly and contently, partook and mundicated our snacks, and ingurgitated our drinks, pleased thus far theretofore whither we ended up.

We then moved to another closely area and sat on the rugged, rocky shore, and decided to take some photos. Good gracious did we take wads and wads of photos, an entire photo panoply or portfolio was delightfully conjured on that day as we posed against the backdrop of the glistening, scintillating, serene briny waters of the Marmara sea with a reddish, fiery, effulgent setting sun glowing from behind us and overcasting and adumbrating our faces, which consequently compelled us to ensure it is cut off from the camera frame so as to augment the vivacity and lucidity of our faces.

As we were about to take those photos so hurriedly, being in a race against time to take them before sunset and make it to Üsküdar and watch the actual sunset from there -which spoiler, alert, we ultimately couldn't eventuate, which bummed me, but, Radical Acceptance was on my side, so- , an coarse, rather elderly man approached us in an ostensibly, even palpably, desperate and abject bid to peddle us some of the books he was carrying. I pitied him as Emir was too busy repudiating buying anything. I didn't have cash on me so I sent the money to his bank account. It didn't work at first due to lack of funds for closing the transfer fee, but I still persisted and gave it another shot while adjusting for the few Liras stipulated for post-working-hours money transmissions. The payment was eventually made and the piteous man was apparently so moved or touched by my resolved determination and persistence that he gave away a second book for free to Emir, telling him "Here's a book for you too, so that you don't leave devoid of one". That was just one of the most heartwarming, memorable and precious moments of the day. It was unforgettable.

Now, granted, we had hoped we'd make it to Üsküdar before sunset, but after all was said and done, and photos taken and all, sunset was upon us, and so we changed plans at the King of the Day's request, and decided to end the day then and there, and go home promptly. As we were walking throughout all this area, Emir asked me some delightful yet unforeseen queries that rehashed some old memories of mine and juggled my hippocampus. He asked me anent our old friends from middle school, inquiring about their surnames as he purportedly had forgotten them, as was apparent to me. He told me he asks as he had came across a girl with the same name as our class president and friend, İlayda, over there on Instagram. I responded by confirming her surname for him. He then asked me about the last names of some others friends, all girls, and I being who I am and being able to recall all of their surnames, I apprised -or rather reminded- him of their last names as he requested. It was all a surreal experience, truth to tell.

As we were at the beginning of our way home, I had remembered that I had hoped that we'd be able to visit that ever-elusive street where my Great-grandma was born; that street I theretofore hadn't; had the chance to cross paths with. And so it hit me that we hadn't paid it a visit. I almost promptly had Emir look into it via Google maps and he told me we'd pass very near it, just in it's immediate proximity, but that our path would diverge and deviate to the right before we do reach it. As I was walking through the streets of Kadıköy, dear Diary, I almost had the invincible and penetrating sensation flowing through my soul and body emanating from my connection to that place. It's like I could feel my great-grandma walk down those streets. I even cerebrally conjured up images in my mind of how I envision or expect those days to have been for her. It just added to the nigh on palpable vibe of magic in the air. It was something truly special.

Anyhow, that is all, dearest Diary. We literally go home afterwards, while of course reveling and basking in the magnificent and breath-taking beauties and scenic vistas of nighttime Istanbul. I learned a lot, mainly how valuable and truly priceless being with a friend, especially on their birthday as their chosen companion, truly is. And of course how I was tragically deprived of that joy during my formative years, especially during middle school, when we were also classmates with him.

This was the first entry in Philosophies of Everydayism. Take care, my love. I am grateful for you.

12:08 AM · Jan 10, 2024

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Dear Diary,

I have been continuing to learn more about the Fundamental Realm. It dawned on me recently how the plane of consciousness that transcends all others, the Oneness plane, could be assimilated or analogized to all of us being various parts, organs or cells in a ginormous, unified organism. And so, just as Cleon I. said to Dusk and Dawn in Foundation, "You are one man. If you become divided, you dishonor me and what I have devised. To envy Day, is to envy .. yourselves". That sagely profound statement by Cleon I. rang the bells of my inner wisdom.

I thus realized that, just like Dawn, Day and Dusk were one man, all of us humans in this world -even all of us living creatures, encompassing all living beings- are akin to parts that comprise one, amalgamated, and in a sense, indivisible, organism. So, being against each other, not forgiving and holding grudges, being rude to one another, not showing kindness, empathy, or compassion to our fellow human -and nonhuman- beings, is a living reproach and blemish on our humanity. It all reminds me of Carl Sagan's wise words in his iconic Pale Blue Dot speech  "To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish .. the Pale blue dot; the only home we've ever known."

I mean, how couldn't I? One of my axiomatic statements is "Live simply. Love generously. Speak kindly. And care deeply."

After all, how I am remembered if I died tomorrow, is what preponderates, occupies and captures my thought process more than anything. I shall not hide my errors or mistakes, which I've of course undoubtedly done, since I am human. But, I learned that that is not something to be ashamed of, it is not something to judge or be fearful of, but rather, it serves as a blessing of an opportunity to learn, grow and own our humanity. All make mistakes. Who hasn't?

This saying from Brother Dusk  from Foundation is so profound I literally had to add it to my quotations repository: “When a man is old, he doesn’t care what he remembers. He cares how he’s remembered. And at the end, we’re all just memoriums.”

That is the power of truth. And, death never fails, as Steve Jobs brilliantly notes. And I shall do my best to live each day as if it was my last, knowing full well that one day.. I will be right.

9:18 PM · Jan 16, 2024

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